Friday, February 24, 2012
Sadly, our foster care experience did not turn out at all like we hoped. We (especially me) were devastated with the situation we found ourselves in and did not feel like we could continue with foster care. So, we took a break and had our family suspended in the foster care system. For the next year, I read adoption blogs, looked at information on starting an orphan ministry, read about international adoption and talked several friends and acquaintances through the beginning steps of adoption. Adoption was never far from my thoughts or my conversations.
But, I was afraid. Not afraid of the hard work of adoption (because it is HARD), but afraid that heartbreak would be our experience again and I did not want that. I didn't want it for me, for Todd, for the boys, or the child that would be in our home. The fact that our last experience did not turn out well haunts me and I wonder often what has happened to John and if he is OK.
About 8 months ago, I decided that it was time to let go of fear and get back in to the foster care system. I guess I haven't totally let go, because this time around we have some pretty set parameters in place for accepting a placement. Because of this, I've only been called once for a placement, that we said no to because of the situation. I have, however, initiated calls for about 5 other possible placements. None of them have worked out.
The last one was this week and was for a little girl that seemed like a good fit for our family. When it didn't work out, I started to question...why was this not working? what is God doing? how many times will I get my hopes up, only to be disappointed? am I missing something? should I be doing something else?
Then, I heard Him say, "It's not about you."
And, I know that's true. It's about being the voice for those who have no voice. It's about giving food and water to people who hunger and thirst. It's about children finding the family that He has for them. It's about being His hands and feet...it's about Him and His glory.
Apparently this is not a lesson I learn well. Oh, but I want to learn it. I want to be able to put myself aside and do what He wants me to do. Not the easy thing, or the comfortable thing, but the thing that will make me more like Him.
I know I'm going to have to remind myself often...it's not about me.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Since this is Mardi Gras weekend and there is no school or work, we decided to escape for a little beach get-away. Gulf Shores, Alabama is not far and we enjoy getting to relax away from home and chores and work. Our first day here was pretty stormy and rainy, but today the sun came out and we were able to enjoy the beach a little. It is still windy and cold, but the boys didn't mind!
PS I uploaded the pictures using a new connection thingy for the iPad. I got it so I could blog from Haiti, but I thought I should practice first!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Today, Jack had an appointment with an ENT doctor. Not only does he still have his ear infection, he also has chronic sinusitis and lots of yuckiness in his throat. He'll be on a serious round of antibiotics, steroids, and allergy meds to get things under control, then we will do some allergy testing. Poor Jack has had a rough few months, so I hope we can get him some relief soon!
I had a team meeting yesterday after church for my trip to Haiti. We leave on March 9th, so in less than a month I'll be on my way. I am both excited and nervous. I have wanted to go on a mission trip for some time, but it is hard to be away from my guys. Thankfully, I have a wonderful family that will step up and fill in for me. I'm nervous about going so far away without Todd, but it is just not possible for both us to be away right now. I'm so thankful that he is completely supportive of my desire to go and serve.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
It's been some time since I've blogged, but I'm going to try to get back in to the swing of things. I'm going on a mission trip to Haiti in March and will want to post about my time there.
Today, Jack had to go to the doctor to see about some ear pain. Turns out he has an ear infection. We have antibiotics and ear drops for pain, so he should be feeling better by tomorrow. Because I'm such a softie, I decided to give him the day off from school. He used his unexpected break to build himself a clubhouse outside. He's definitely creative!